His head was full of larceny but his feet were honest

Burris v. King, 588 F.Supp. 1152 (D. Colo. 1984)

This was a suit for negligent and intentional infliction of emotional distress. It began with an argument at the 1981 winter meetings of the American Association of Professional Baseball Clubs. A baseball manager got into a name calling contest and threatened another manager with a Sprite bottle. Before getting into the facts, the court wrote an essay about baseball which was unrelated to the facts of the case, including this:

After a solid career, Dick Allen is most renowned for his comment: “If horses don't eat it, I don't want to play on it.” Dave Lemonds of the Chicago White Sox once said that playing on artificial turf “is like playing marbles in a bathtub.”

The facts of this case are that two managers got into an argument and one manager threatened the other with a Sprite bottle.

The pleadings and supporting affidavits clearly specify that the bottle was a Sprite bottle. They are unclear as to whether Burris' intended delivery was overhand, sidearm, or submarine style, or whether Burris was gripping the bottle properly, label side up. Had Burris gripped the bottle properly, so that he could read the label, it would have been difficult for King to see it as well. The propriety of Burris' grip, however, does not affect the gravity of his threat. When Henry Aaron, one of the sport's most formidable hitters, was razzed for his improper grip, he replied, 'I ain't up here to read--I'm up here to hit.' Who can argue with 755 home runs and 3,771 career hits?

The Court quotes many baseball maxims, including these:

"The best way to test a Timex would be to strap it to [Earl] Weaver's tongue."

“I have often called Bowie Kuhn a village idiot. I apologize to all the village idiots of America. He is the nation's idiot.” Charlie Finley, 1981.

“[H]is head was full of larceny, but his feet were honest.” “Bugs” Bear on outfielder Ping Bodie, 1917.

“As a lifetime Cubs fan, I was used to players who, as the sportswriters say, ‘can do it all.’ In the case of the Cubs, ‘doing it all’ means striking out, running the wrong way, falling down, dropping the ball.” Mike Royko, writer.